You look like a normal fat guy…

I have seriously been shirking my blogging duties and I have let down the entire borsht eating population of the Ukraine.  On a side note and in all seriousness, one of my co-workers is actually moving his mother back to the Ukraine which is her home country.  Just one of those funny coincidences…plus I got to make a joke about borscht with him which caught him off guard.  Some days it is the little things in life.  And lately I have tried to find a little humor in my life.

So to bring everyone up to date on what is going on with my weight loss and other stuff.  <Insert drum roll> And now the information that every one has been waiting for, my current unofficial official weight loss is…..148lbs as of this morning!  So if anyone is doing that math you will know that my current weight is 287lbs.  Again this an the unofficial home scale weight, of which let me say, is kind of accurate, but I don’t always trust what the scale is telling me.  I miss my Biggest Loser scale, which still resides in my old house (a story for later) and I now have a Weight Watchers branded scale.  Which if anyone is interested to know, my honest opinion of this scale is that it sucks!  I have really tried to not move the scale and I have it on a tile floor. However, when I weigh myself it will stay at the exact same weight for a few days at a time never moving a 1/10 of a pound.  Then all of the sudden BAM! a weight loss of 2 or 3 pounds will show up.  I do know that I have lost weight, I can see it in the mirror (still not a pretty sight, the naked truth is still more like a naked nightmare) and people comment all the time how much smaller I am getting.  I received the ultimate comment the other day from a business acquaintance…he looked at me and said man you look just like a regular fat guy now.  So I got that going for me….which is nice.

Let’s talk a little about my food intake and my diet.  My diet has changed marginally, but for the most part I am a creature of habit and when something works I stick with it.  I am doing better my water intake, and I seem to be getting more and more fluids into my system which is a good thing. Food is still kind of hit or miss with me and I mainly eat a lot of soup/chili.  We have a chain quasi fast food place in our area called Zoup and they have 12 homemade soups daily.  There is always something on their menu that is protein laden and tastes great for me.  I also tend to eat at Panera quite a bit and get soup there.  By far soft foods is still the way to go for me, lots of yogurt, cottage cheese and protein shakes are the norm.  Though I did have a lobster tail that had been fixed tempura style and that was incredibly good.  And I have had some sushi on occasion and that seems to set well.  I limit myself because of the rice, but I think there are a lot of worse foods I could be having.

All in all I am on track to reach my goal by the time I turn 50 in 11 months.  I do feel much better than I did and have a much better disposition when it comes to different things.  I don’t have a fear of booths in restaurants, fitting into a  movie theater seat, climbing a flight or two of stairs and the list goes on an on.  The NSV’s still happen on a daily basis.  I will also tell you that I had a chance to take my son to Williamsport, Pennsylvania a few weeks ago to see the Little League World Series.  We planned this trip for literally a year and I had promised we would go to this.  All I can say is I don’t know how I would have done this if I had not lost the weight.  The ball fields are carved somewhat out of a hill side and From where we parked to get to the bottom stadium was probably a vertical drop equivalent to a 8-10 story office building.  Which is nice in the morning when you are walking down, but after being there for 12 hours and walking up and down between the stadiums at the end of the day the trudge back up to the car was the last thing I wanted to do.  I would never been able to do that prior to the surgery, I may have got to the top, but it would have taken a lot of stops.

This weekend I will be participating in the Walk From Obesity fundraiser. This is sponsored locally by my bariatric surgeon group and the best part is I will be getting a chance to hook up with Jessica ”The Bariatric Diva” and Jessica from the blog ”Bariatric Beginnings” and walk with them.  I look forward to meeting some of my fellow WLS bloggers and doing something to at least give back a little.  If you feel like helping out click HERE and make a token donation.

Well there is more going on in my life…MUCH more. The last 11 weeks have been a whirlwind and the dirty laundry sure piled up metaphorically.  At this point I still have a seat on the divorce train and it continues to be heading down the track and it appears that it won’t be stopping until it reaches the final destination. I can say it is not a fun ride and Ugly has found a seat on the train.  For now this is something I will have to bear and I wont let it de-rail (some pun intended) my weight loss goals.

Well at this point
boys and girls I have written enough for today and need to get back to saving the world…See you soon!

The good, the bad, and ugly will come soon.

So it has been a few weeks since my last blog post and I am sure I left a few people wondering where things stand in my life.  I least I hear the chants coming from the Ukraine…”Beeg Guy where you been, what is happeneeeeng with you?”

Well to let everyone know the reports of my demise have been greatly exaggerated and I am still alive and kicking.  So just to bring everyone up to speed as to where I stand in weight loss and life.  First the weight loss.  As of this morning on my new “unofficial” scale I am currently down 122 lbs.  I am inching closer to the point where my waist size will start with a 4 and my weight will start with a 2.  That will be a happy day when I get back down to those measurements.  At least I am now starting to fit back comfortably in 3X clothes.  Currently I have lost about 12 inches on my waist and 3 inches on my collar size.  So these are all great things, and I am pretty happy with all of my success.  My goal was to be at an even 300lbs by my birthday, and I am not quite sure I will make that goal, but it was an aggressive goal and if I fall a little short I won’t be to terribly disappointed.

Okay…so let’s cover the personal stuff.  So I know I signed off with the last post talking about going down the divorce road.  This has not changed and is becoming a very real thing.  So just to give to the facts and maybe a little more.  Though to protect the innocent and not so innocent I won’t be sharing everything with you.

So to give you the facts…I am currently separated from my spouse and I am living in what I would call Club Fed.  Basically it is a really nice jail cell…err efficiency type apartment at an extended stay hotel.  I know what you are thinking…some seedy place where hooks, pimps and drug addicts reside.  So far from what I can see it has been more like transient energy workers and thers that may be in the same situation as myself as well as a people coming in for major events in the area.

I am going on 4 weeks of being separated and I don’t see this situation changing and will most likely be definite.  Let me set the record straight by saying I am NOT happy about this, while my spouse may feel that this isn’t the case I am far from being happy about our situation, but I am a realist and I don’t think that ultimately we will ever be able to resolve our differences. So at this point I need to get on with my life and figure out how to rebuild it in the next 18 years so I have a shot at retirement.  Until then, my favorite word is “downsize.”  I am downsizing my life and my body at the same time, and hopefully when it is all said and done I will come out of this as a much happier person.  I will take the good and the bad, because sooner or later I know ugly will show its head.

The funny thing with this is I am also downsizing my friend base along with this.  Many of our mutual friends will be put into this quandry of who do they “side” with between my spouse and I.  I also find it funny that there are some friends that when they find out about the situation are unbelievably generous and offer couches, spare bedrooms and call to offer their moral support.  I guess that isn’t funny it is great to have a friend network like that.  The thing I do find funny is others that I have considered friends have run the other way and seemingly stuck their head in the sand when they find out. It is like I have a disease, or they are worried that if they call me they are going to get ”grumpy Gus” or the poor little ol’ me on the other end of the phone.  Which really is not the case…actually my spirits are mainly good and I really am not interested in talking about the situation as much as I am trying to move on with other aspects of my life. I am not looking for charity or pity from anyone, this bed was made by no one other than myself, but this has been somewhat eye opening to find out who your friends are and those that pretend to be one.

So for now I live to fight another day and I continue successfully on my weight loss journey.

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Lies, damn lies and statistics….

Hello loyal readers!  I know…it has been a few weeks since my last post and I am well over due for a lengthy blog post.  This may or may not be it.  It all depends on how much I decide to share with you today.  There is much for me to get off my chest so let’s get down to it and let the blogging begin.

So first up on the this blog post is my current weight loss.  I had my “3 month” (it was a week or so past the 12 week mark)check-up this week with the surgeon.  So here are how the numbers break down on the “official” scale.   Since February 28th, the day I went on my liquid diet and the official high water mark of my weight of 435 lbs,  I am currently down a total of 109 lbs! 88 of these pounds was shed post surgery since March 28th.  This averages overall losing just a little less than a pound a day!  By those standards I should have no issues getting to my goal weight sooner than next August. I do realize that the next 100 lbs will come off much more slowly, but I am confident that I will get to a healthy weight by my original goal of August 2014.  At this point I am down to taking almost no prescribed meds and just the daily vitamin supplements that I will always have to take.  My BP was an amazing 105/70 and all of my other numbers were good from the blood work I did the week before.  Te only thing that was a little low was my iron count, but if I do a better job of taking my daily vitamins, that should fall in line.

So for the six loyal readers in the United States and the masses in the Ukraine, if you have followed along on my blog from the beginning this next revelation will maybe come as a surprise to you, though it probably will not be earth shattering.  So before getting to the revelation, I first want to talk about the emotional roller coaster that I have been on for the last 3 or 4 years and try to maybe fill in a few blanks for people, and if you are morbidly obese, you are probably getting some third party validation.

So if I go back a few years and try to diagnose myself I guess I would say that somewhere along the line I could have been diagnosed as being clinically depressed. What was causing this depression?  Well here is a shocker…it was my mainly my weight and the huge weight gain I was experiencing.  I am sure there were some other factors, but if we are talking root cause..well it was probably as simple as standing in front of a mirror naked.  Everything else…was just piling on.  In general I didn’t feel good about myself and I had a certain amount of self loathing going on. As time went on and I “let myself go” the weight piled on exponentially and any of my meager attempts to control it or lose weight were short lived and ultimately a failure.  Now let me preface this by saying I have been “overweight” for much of my life.  I would say that there are only a hand full of years since in my adult life that I wouldn’t be considered with a BMI category of obese.  However, I reached a critical mass (some pun intended) with my weight in late 2011 and probably at that time it was the height of my depression.  I was weighing over 400 lbs, was extremely sedentary and in general I was making a lot of excuses not to do things based on my weight because I was embarrassed by myself and was extremely self conscious.  I alienated myself from my friends and my family and I went to work and came home and was a hermit.

I know ultimately this took a toll on my spouse and to a certain degree the entire family was certainly affected.  In looking back I realize my spouse tried to reach out to me and get me to go get help as early as the beginning of 2011. Unfortunately I wasn’t ready to go get the help I so desperately needed at that time; and it took me the better part of 2011 and into 2012 before I came to the realization that I was literally dying in front of my family day by day sitting on the couch. By the time I recognized that I was slowly killing myself it appears at that time my spouse gave up on me.  When I say gave up on me…I guess what I mean is that she encapsulated her feelings and decided that she would do what she needed to do to keep the family going and try to keep her own healthy outlook.  Unfortunately when the time came for me to decide that I wanted to change my life and be a better father and husband she dismissed my sincerity and in turn did not have a whole lot of support to give me.

I know many of my readers have never been morbidly obese and don’t understand the psyche of a person that is.  It is easy to say, what the fuck are you doing?  Stop killing yourself with food, eat the right things and move a little.  Unfortunately from the other side of the fence it isn’t that easy and while most of us are intelligent people and know what we are doing is wrong. However, we still continue to go down the path of self destruction very willingly.  It is no different than any other addict.  When I drank to excess I knew it was wrong…I knew I was damaging my health, it didn’t stop me from taking one more or a dozen more drinks.  Eating was the same way.  I knew having a chocolate bar was wrong. So if I was going to be wrong, then fuck it let’s really be wrong and eat 2 or 3 chocolate bars…right?! I mean if you are going to be bad…then be bad, don’t tiptoe around it and try to justify it to yourself.  So as the pounds slowly added on to my frame and the scale no longer told me how much I weighed it was easy to just continue to on the path of eating myself to death.  I mean really, what was the difference between buying a 4X shirt and a 5X shirt….I guess I drew the line at 6X…Ha.

I masked much of my depression with humor…much of it being self deprecating humor.  Someone once said to me that I had a great since of humor about my weight…Uh yeah…it is not like I can hide the fact that I weigh 400+ lbs.  I mean when you are almost ALWAYS the biggest person in the room you can’t hide that.  So I hid my embarrassment and just joked about it…I felt if I could disarm everyone else before they could take the shot at me it was easier to deal with.  Another person has since asked me what I was going to joke about when I got “skinny”…my response to that was I guess I go back to small dick jokes when the time comes.  I know…I know…but sophomoric humor still gets a laugh.

I read early on in my research of weight loss surgery about a startling statistic.  The article I read said that 75% of couples will divorce within 2 years after one of the parties in the marriage has weight loss surgery.  I thought to myself that number could not be right…I mean really… 75% is a huge number! I think it was Mark Twain that said there are lies, damn lies and then there are statistics.  Unfortunately I guess today I believe that divorce statistic as I will most likely be divorced before my 1 year surgery anniversary date. So there is my revelation…it appears that I am headed down the long and painful road named “divorce.”  While I have been fairly honest with this blog I am not ready to air all my dirty laundry for the world to see. So the exact reasons I will not share…at least at this time.  I can tell you that the problems that are causing this separation were eroding the marriage before the surgery and many were magnified as I went through the pre-op process.  It takes two people to get married and two people to get divorced.  I am just as much at fault for this failure as anyone and will own up to ALL of my short comings and misgivings throughout the process.

So I guess I decided to share most of everything with all of you…A few of my loyal readers were already in the know on this and it isn’t a surprise.  For the others…well stay tuned as things will certainly get interesting these next few months.

12 Week Update

Good day loyal readers…I am sorry it has been a few weeks since my last post and I haven’t been playing the part of a good blogger very well.  It is not because I am not thinking of writing something, it is just life is catching back up to me and the more weight I lose the more active I become and thus there is not as much time to write as I would like.  Plus I mainly do it on my lunch hour and I tend to get out of the office at that time now.

So let me bring everyone up to speed as to where I stand with everything as today marks my 12 week anniversary of my surgery.

First…my current weight on the unofficial home scale tells me that I am now in ”onederland” as far as pounds lost goes.  So far since February 28th I have lost 103#.  That is obviously a pretty big number, but the reality is I am not even half way home yet to what I want to lose.  So while I don’t discount the progress I need to stay focused on the long term goal and make sure I do the things they want me to.

Second…For those loyal readers out there you may remember my “What rhymes with asturbation?” post.  I have now incorporated an extra 800 units of vitamin E into my daily pill intake.  I am pleased to tell you that all of the rumors about that vitamin being a boost to the male libido are absofreakinlutely true and should certainly be believed of the benefits.  So that has been an added bonus. Now let’s just hope it is also having a positive effect on my liver.

Third…Clothes and how I am adapting.  Well that is a good news bad news scenario.  Good news I really have’t had to buy any new clothes beyond a couple of dress shirts and some new boxers. I know…TMI…sorry, but that is the real life.  Okay.. the bad news is that I have plenty of clothes in all sizes down to probably 2X…currently I am now down in the 3X range.  My wife commented the other day that it had been quite sometime since she had seen me in a particular shirt.  Well the truth was she had never seen me in that shirt because I bought it when I was still in denial about my ever growing size and it was too small.  I bought it over 2 years ago and never wore it until this week.  So the bad news is I have a closet full of clothes that vary from probably XL up to 5X.  My closet is a veritable Big and Tall Clothing store with a strong emphasis on Big and not so much on the Tall part.  The problem is that at one time less than 6 years ago I was within 25 pounds of my current goal weight and I screwed up and couldn’t maintain.  Makes me a little ill just thinking about that.

Fourth…Exercise.  I have still not done anything very formal though I am working on trying to incorporate more walking in my day.  I did time myself the other night and I walked a mile in just over 18 minutes.  I was pretty pleased as that was about the pace I was at before when I used to walk 3 miles a night.  Though I think I was in my late 30′s when I did that.  A more formal routine is coming including some workouts with weights.  The good news is that I am no longer getting real light headed like I once was.  I attribute much of that to cutting back on my blood pressure meds.

Lastly…NSV’s I have had a lot of NSV’s the most recent one I noticed was just this morning.  I climbed the stairs to the second floor to wake up on of my kids this morning and I climbed the stairs with out using the hand railing. I know…doesn’t seem like much, but really it is. First I actually climbed the steps instead of yelling for him to get up.  Secondly, I did it without the aid of the railing.  These are things that I would never be able to have accomplished just a month or so ago.  I feel so much lighter on my feet and with a lot more coodination.  Simply put, I have a lot more pep in my step going up and down stairs.

So this rounds out my update and where things stand.  I will try to be better about blogging, but don’t hold me to it.


I got my eyebrows waxed and nobody noticed a damn thing.

Good day loyal readers and hackers.  Yes, Hackers!  Apparently my little corner of the internet has been seeing a lot of traffic from hackers trying to break in.  Jeez you would think there are bigger fish to fry than my humble little blog.  By the way…here is a clue for the hackers…The administrator account isn’t named administrator or admin…and for the persistent little fucker in China it isn’t “bigguy” either.  I was an IT guy once, and even though drugs and alcohol claimed a lot of brain cells in the 80’s, I remembered a little something about username and password security.  So any way to the 6 or 7 legitimate readers I have and those that have registered.  I hope you remember you password.  Because you only get two chances at the login and after that, it will take a long time to get back in.  Sorry, but I had to employ some security methods to slow down the hacker attacks. Oh and if I inadvertently deleted your account…sorry, but the volume was too much and if I didn’t recognize your name or felt the e-mail wasn’t legitimate I deleted the account.

Okay, on to the real topic of the blog post.  So to bring everyone up to speed I am down as of this morning 94 pounds.  Obviously taken on its own 94lbs is a big number.  For some WLS patients that is a final goal number.  For me I haven’t reached my halfway point yet, which honestly I find to be just  little embarrassing to tell people.  For the most part I have been open and honest with people and if pressed I am not shy about telling some one what I weigh and what I have lost.  I leave it up to them to do the rest of the math.  Many people do ask how much more weight I plan to lose, or what my final goal is, and typically my canned response is that I would like to weigh 200lbs by my 50th birthday 15 months from now.  And from that they can guess or calculate the rest.

So with being 94lbs lighter why doesn’t it feel like I look that much different?  I have been taking front and side pictures every 4 weeks and I do see the change from my surgery date to today..but after dropping nearly 100lbs. you would think I would see a bigger difference.  In some respects it feels like my blog post title, (which incidentally comes courtesy of a friend) I have lost a lot of weight and it seems that not all that many people notice.  Now I have plenty of NSV’s to make me feel good and I don’t need to have my ego stroked (all that often at least) and have someone at every turn tell me about how great I look.  It is more a me and the mirror issue that I have than anything else.  I look in the mirror and I don’t see the changes I think I should see..fuck it let’s call it like it is…I just don’t feel “pretty.”

Part of it is that there is a denial of exactly how large I was when I started this process.  It feels like whatever mirrors I was looking in before were like funhouse mirrors that were all set to the skinny mode, and now when I look at pictures of myself or in the mirror in a truer light I am struggling to see my progress.  I know this will change over time and I guess it is hard to see the incremental change vs. larger chunks when I don’t see someone for a longer period of time.  I guess I am still looking at the tree and not yet seeing the forest or should that be vice versa? Any way I am 94lbs lighter and smaller, regardless of my perception the scale doesn’t lie.

A funny thing happened on the way to the 5th floor…

Good day loyal readers.  I was going to say good afternoon, but I am a little unsure  what time it is for my Ukrainian readers so I will just stick with “Good Day.”  Well today marks my 8 week anniversary of my surgery.  There have been many bumps in the road along the way, but overall, 8 weeks post-op and I am feeling pretty well.  My overall weight loss by my “unofficial” scale is 87lbs with about 57 of those coming in the last 8 weeks.  So for anyone keeping track I am about four-fifths of the man I used to be!  So far I have lost 20% of my body weight. I have gone down 2 shirt sizes and taken 6″ off my waist line.  Even though I am eating probably 600 calories a day, I have a lot of energy and stamina.   Every day brings a new NSV and I am breaking out of a lot of lazy habits.  The 87lbs seems like a pretty big number, but in the context of what I am trying to accomplish I am still a long way off. When this is all said and done I literally want to be half the man (and then some) I used to be!  The journey is still in its infancy, but I like the track I am on so far.

So a funny thing happened on the way to the 5th floor of the parking deck.  Now normally I have been attempting the stairs.  And will climb them to the 4th floor, but yesterday I was in a hurry and I just didn’t want to climb the steps.  I know…I know…I should have…but I didn’t and as fate would have it I found something humorous laying on the floor of the elevator.  So as you can see from the picture I am posting this is apparently a shopping list.  Here is the list in case you cannot read it clearly enough.nightie

 - pine nuts

 - spinoch (sic)

- feta

- cookies

- nightie

Now as I read down the first 3 items on the list I am thinking of possible dinner scenario’s….Is it a salad?  Maybe some sort of Greek dish? Not sure what they were going to fix, but it was off to a good start.  Then the next item…cookies…okay who doesn’t like cookies?  I blame thin mints for much of my obesity…I don’t think I ever met a cookie I didn’t like.  Now the last item on the list is “nightie.” Now this made me actually laugh out loud.  How random is that…items 1-4 okay I get…but nightie?  First who the hell puts that on a shopping list?  Okay, maybe if the list also includes bra, panties, garter belt and stockings.  But how do you go from pine nuts to nightie?  And what store sells all these items….oh wait..never mind….thank you Wal-Mart.

Now think about this…This person has lost their shopping list and they are at the store trying to go from memory….spinach..check…feta…check…pine nuts…check…cookies…check….now what was that last thing I was supposed to buy?   What if this was a shopping list given to a husband…not sure what that conversation be like when he got home….but I am sure he damn well remembered the beer, pine nuts, cookies and the nightie. I know beer wasn’t on the original list, but this is a guy buying stuff.  He isn’t going to come home from the store with a list that had nuts on it without beer, and well the cookies and nightie should go with out any further explanation.

Well…whatever this person had in mind with this list.  Hope they remembered it all when they got to the store.

My day no longer revolves around food…

So I was having a conversation with a friend the other day and we were talking about lunch and the lack of nearby healthy choices. I had a lunch meeting set at a restaurant and it was cancelled at the last minute leaving me to scramble for something to eat.  At this point I am being particular about what I eat, not only because my pouch is still sensitive to certain foods put I always look for protein rich foods. So when I need to do something on short notice my choice dwindle quickly and it can be difficult to find something.   However, the more important thing that I am discovering is that food is becoming unimportant to me…I am finding food to be a necessary evil.

Before my surgery I lived for my next meal, I was a foodie of sorts.  In the past lunch could be just about anything from sushi (one of my all time favorites) to a patty melt.  Sure I ate some healthy things, but many times it was only disguised as healthy.  One of my lunch staples when I needed something in a hurry was a Jimmy John’s sandwich.  They delivered and most of the time I could get it freakishly fast as their tag line says.  When I did order from them, I almost always ordered a sandwich on their 7-grain bread…trying to be healthy of course…hahahaha, but really the slices of bread were each an inch thick and then when you throw on meat, cheese, mayo and then drag it through the garden  It didn’t matter whether I ordered something “healthy” like turkey or not the sandwich would top 700 calories (over 900 if I ordered the Italian club sandwich), plus throw in a bag or chips and before you know it I might as well go grab a greasy burger and fries from any fast food joint.  It was a nice sandwich disguised as healthy, but in reality it was not better for me than

Flash forward to the present and when lunch comes I am having to force myself to eat and food just doesn’t hold an attraction to me.  Actually, this holds true for all meals. This morning  I was at a breakfast meeting at Bob Evans, and I watched two people gorge themselves on omelets, hash browns, sausage and toast with butter and jelly.   I sat contently and gorged myself on one over easy egg and an order of dry wheat toast of which I ate only one piece.  The kicker is I really couldn’t care less if I ate or not or what it was the others were eating.  I used to LOVE…and I do mean LOVE breakfast foods. For me breakfast nirvana would be eggs over easy with corned beef hash AND hash browns AND toast.  It is funny how in 7 short weeks my views on food have started to change.  From I would literally plan a day around food to having to force myself to eat.  Will this viewpoint change in the future?  I don’t some ways I hope it doesn’t, it is making life easier right now for me.

What rhymes with asturbation…

Well it is a fresh new week and I thought I would try to start it off with a blog post. Currently according to my scale I am just a hair over 80lbs down. This is a good thing obviously, though I still am not eating enough nor am I getting enough fluids.  Something I continue to have to work at.

For all the mothers out there, I hope that you enjoyed the day yesterday and that you were able to be pampered a little bit. I tried to do my part and presented my spouse with a gift from, obligatory flowers, and a small token of jewelry.  As well I took her breakfast order Sunday morning and made it to perfection. I also had a chance to spend some time with my mother yesterday which was nice since I had not seen her or my father since before my surgery. Actually they hadn’t seen me since I lost any of the weight I have. So we had a lot to talk about both with the surgery and the concerns over the liver issue.  It also, came out during the course of the conversation that my entire family was seemingly against my surgery at the beginning.  My parents never really voiced this before hand, they initially told me to do my research and said they would back me either way, but I see now this was just a placating move on their part.  Today they seem okay with it, still a lot of concern for the after effects from the surgery, but ultimately I think they are glad that I did go through with everything.

So I have started my twice a day vitamin E regimen.  Now initially when discovered I was going to have to ramp up my doses of vitamin E I harkened back to my childhood, more specifically my junior high and high school days when me and my friends would joke about taking vitamin E to enhance our newly developing post pubescent virility.  Now this was back in the day when I also believed in Spanish flies and was trying to figure out how to place an order for them from an ad I saw in the back of a Hustler magazine that I had tucked under my mattress.  I mean who could argue with a 100% guarantee.  Gratefully I never did get that figured out thus saving myself from wasting my money on that.

Now that I am taking 800iu’s a day I figured I would do a little more research on vitamin E and see what benefits I can expect besides hoping to keep the NASH from progressing any further.  As I Googled vitamin E and there was a variety of topics.  And when I specified “Sex Vitamin” then things really got interesting.

The most widely known health benefits of vitamin E (non-sex related) are protection against toxins such as air pollution, premenstrual syndrome (not a huge concern for me), eye disorders such as cataracts, neurological diseases such as Alzheimer’s disease, and diabetes.  Okay…most of those are all pretty good reasons to take a supplement of it.

Now here are some interesting things I found out when it comes to how it affects the body from a sexual enhancement perspective.  The first is sperm motility…had to look that one up.  Basically guys if you have some lazy swimmers, vitamin E may not make them all into little swimmers like Michael Phelps, but it may improve their chances finding the finish line.  The second is increased sperm count.  This is obvious, the race to the finish line will now not only get to the finish line there will be a lot more competitors. And lastly, a boosted libido.  Okay…now we are cooking with gas (I think that saying may translate to my Ukrainian readers without further explanation.)…At 48 who can’t use a little jump start to the libido.  It is not like I am going to the doc and asking for some vitamin V, but as a guy approaching 50, any help I can get in that department is certainly not unwanted.

Now the sperm count and its motility are not a huge deal to me anymore…the libido thing, well folks that is a different story.  This is something that I certainly found interesting.  The article that I read was published on I will say that I would find the somewhat credible as is wasn’t directly selling me anything.  In the article it mentions that The University of Maryland Medical Center recommends a dosage of 400IU’s of vitamin E daily as a prevent and treat sexual dysfunction like a depressed sex drive that may be caused by a hormonal imbalance.  Huzzah!  My doc has me on twice that!  I am thinking right about now I may need to send that article to my wife.  Because if 400iu’s are recommended then at 800iu’s, well she may notice a little change about to happen in our relationship.  Hopefully she responds in the manner I am hoping.  Because if not, then the vitamin E may as well be called vitamin M.  And in case you don’t get the meaning of that…just think of a word that starts with M and rhymes with asturbation.  Here is hoping my tendonitis doesn’t flare up.

Well readers…with that being said I that will conclude today’s post.

New Doc…more pills…not great news

So I had my visit with my new “Liver Doc” today…and well loyal readers let’s just say I didn’t walk out of that office on a cloud.  Actually the cloud was over my head and felt ominous and weighed heavy.

So the news I got was something I already knew at a base level from my liver biopsy that was conducted during my surgery.  I was diagnosed with, as my new Liver Doc put it, “NASH” which stands for non-alcoholic steatohepatitis.  He was a decent Doc as Doc’s go and sat and talked to me in an unrushed manner and drew me a nice little graph of how seemingly fucked I am right now.

So here is the black cloud news regarding NASH. For one there is no real cure, the best I can do is lose weight (already in process) and go on a vitamin E regimen, which means adding two more pills to my daily intake 10 pills or supplements I already take. So as a friend of mine remarked recently…yippee…skipee. Now I get to take 12 pills a day at varying intervals.

So along with no real cure the best I can hope for is that the weight loss and vitamin E will retard the process…and for all of that…I still have a 20-22% shot that the NASH will manifest itself into cirrhosis of the liver.  So when telling my wife this prognosis, and what the chance is for cirrhosis, she asked how I felt about that.  I know she was trying to be concerned…I’m sorry, scratch that…she wasn’t trying.  She was/is genuinely concerned…but the answer to that question is “not very fucking good.”  As it stands right now I have a 1 and approximately 5  chance of getting cirrhosis of the liver and the worse case scenario just before death would be having to get a liver transplant.  Well….you can just imagine the demons that are running loose right now in my head.

Currently I would place my mood somewhere between shitty to fairly pissed off at the world right now.  And while I am a glass is half full kind of guy…today I am seeing it a different way. Tomorrow will be a different day…but now twice a day whenever I take my vitamin E dose I will be reminded of something not very pleasant.

Oh…and while I am ranting…when in the hell is this electronic medical record thing supposed to take place?!?  I am tired of filling out my lifetime medical info over and over.  Especially when I am seeing doctors in the same hospital network.  Come on Summa…get your excrement together.