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I dreamed I cheated….

Day 5

The weekend has been a challenge for me.  I have tried to keep the same routine, having my first shake at 8:00AM both yesterday and today.  The biggest hurdle has been dealing with a significant family crisis that has put both my wife and myself on edge and has upset both of us emotionally.  It is something that took place in our extended family, and we are both feeling the same way, angry….very, very angry.  These are not feelings that bode well for me and my Optifast diet. Without going too much into the situation, there ended up being a lot of snacks and pizza in the house this weekend.  Couple this with the emotions that I am going through equal a recipe for an emotional eating binge.  So far it is Sunday noon and I have stayed compliant.  In fact I actually missed a meal yesterday, I lost count somewhere along the way and when I went over it all in my head before bed I only counted 6 meals not 7.  We will see how today goes, I will be more conscious of getting my meals in.

So let me tell you how this Optifast diet can screw you up.  I won’t get into bowel movements quite yet…going to give that one a little time to even out.  This is more on the cerebral leval and not a physical level.  Last night I had a horrible nights sleep, getting up 2 in the middle of the night and taking my CPAP mask off for good at 4:00AM.  Friday night I slept well…I was emotionally drained when I went to bed on Friday.  Saturday I had made my peace emotionally and was ready to get another good nights sleep.  Unfortunately I kept waking up from dreams/nightmares of cheating on my diet.  The strangest part of the dreams was the types of foods that I was eating, they were just very strange choices for me.  The only other time this happened to me is when I quit smoking.  I used to have dreams that I was still lighting up a cigar from time to time.  I suppose this isn’t strange and after trading a message on twitter with another WLS cohort I know this isn’t unique. I just hope I get past this because this is only day 5 and I hate to think I will have 25 more nights of this.

Well I am a third of the way through day 5 and so far 100% compliant.  No one said it was going to be easy…and if they did I would slap them silly.  On a good point I have a mini NSV, my jeans seem to be a bit looser.  So I have that going for me….which is nice.

Hallway sex isn’t all it’s cracked up to be…

Day 3….going to keep this short sweet and too the point.  It will be a long 28 more days. Most people are running around yelling stupid phrases like TGIF (for those in the Ukraine that means that everybody here is pleased that it is Friday…Maybe you know it as TLIF, Thank Lenin it’s Friday?)  Any way I am digressing and far from getting right to any point here.  Basically I am not really looking forward to the weekend. It is much easier for me to stay compliant on the Optifast diet during the work week.  I have a schedule that is fairly consistent and it is easy to keep my compliancy.  BTW…a little shout out for me….2 full days, 100% compliant.  Let me see what that looks like on Monday and I will report back.

Right now I have had no serious temptations and have done well with regulating my hunger.  I am still in the honeymoon “have sex anywhere” phase…I know that is what it is, I just don’t want it to turn into the old married couple  “hallway sex”Bedroomhallway phase too early in this process.  I know it will come, I just don’t need it to come in the first week.  I know I may have lost a few of you on the “hallway sex” comment…for those that know me may have heard this joke before.  For the Ukrainians I will repeat it for your benefit.  Sometimes when a couple is married for a long time they go through different stages of having sex. During the honeymoon phase they have sex anytime and anyplace they want in the house, doesn’t matter what room or what time of day. After you are married and you have kids, then it becomes pretty much bedroom sex and you hope somebody remembered to lock the door!  And then there is the time when you get to have hallway sex.  This is when you have been married for a number of years and the kids have beat the will to be intimate out of you and you just walk past each other in hallway and think or in some instances say “fuck you” to your wife, husband, life partner or babushka. Oh…if my wife is reading this, we are still in the married with children phase.  Though I think it was your turn to lock the door last night…just sayin’

Okay…back to the Optifast thing and the weekend. I have four weekends to get through between now and my surgery on the 28th.  So the best thing I can try to do is to keep the same schedule on the weekend as I do during the week, meaning I get up early, and go to bed before midnight, hopefully the temptation of a evening snack doesn’t get the best of me.

 I feel like I am working a 12 step process again, just taking it one day at a time!