Are you sure you want to do this?

Last day of Optifast – Surgery in 2 days

Somewhere I think I fucked up the timing of days in my earlier posts.  Anyway, to set the record straight, 48 hours from now, at least by the time this is posted, I will be under general anesthesia and have probably 4 or 5 people standing around me talking about what basketball teams are still left in their bracket.  (If you are in the Ukraine and don’t know about March Madness…sorry I got nothing for you here…Google it)… Oh and at the same time said people will be perfoming a surgical procedure that will forever change my life.

Getting my head in the right place and keeping it there has been difficult at times during this process.  I have had many distractions along the way, and my spouse is still continually giving me the vibe that she really does not want me to do this.  Two days ago a friend of ours was over and they were wishing me good luck and asking about the procedure.  The entire time I could see a look on my wife’s face that looked like she just wanted to blurt out that I am making a mistake and she doesn’t want me to do this.  It was really not hard to mistake that look, if we were playing poker I would have folded in a heartbeat.  Then last night we found ourselves alone in the house and having a conversation, mainly we were talking about our most popular topic the kids.  I know eventually the conversation would turn towards my impending surgery and eventually my wife asked me if I was ready for Thursday.  I told her what I have told everyone these past few weeks.  Sure I am ready, but am I scared, anxious, excited, nervous?…yes…in fact hell to the yes! I am all of the above and then some.  Then she said 8 words to me that pretty much confirmed that she really isn’t 100% behind me.  She asked “are you sure you want to do this?”…it was not hard to see she wanted to talk about this, and honey if you are reading this I am sorry….but at that time I just couldn’t go into a long conversation or debate over the reasons of why I am doing this.  I really just wanted to avoid that conversation last night…right or wrong, for me I simply answered “yes, I am sure” and left it at that.  And that folks pretty much will kill a conversation if you let it…and I did.

This surgery is something I have been preparing to do for the past 6 months, and the original thought of going through this was probably close to a year ago.  The road has been long, and certainly not easy, I have been examined, poked, prodded, are-you-sureinvaded and I have whipped my debit card out to pay $40 co-pays more times than I want to know.  I have worked hard to get and keep my head in the right place, I know the risks during surgery and post surgery, I know there is still a long road after this and this will not be an easy process to get to where I want to be.  I know that this will not be easy on my family, I know this will effect me in ways I don’t totally comprehend yet.  I know all of these things because I have read and done my research and listened to others that have gone before me.  If you are reading this and contemplating surgery, do your research!  Because it doesn’t matter how much you know about it, you will quickly realize there is much you still don’t know.  This is something I have not gone into without considerable thought.

So to answer the earlier question again….Yes, I am ready…I am ready to change my life for the better and to live a healthier and happier lifestyle, whatever that ultimately looks like.

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