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I got my eyebrows waxed and nobody noticed a damn thing.

Good day loyal readers and hackers.  Yes, Hackers!  Apparently my little corner of the internet has been seeing a lot of traffic from hackers trying to break in.  Jeez you would think there are bigger fish to fry than my humble little blog.  By the way…here is a clue for the hackers…The administrator account isn’t named administrator or admin…and for the persistent little fucker in China it isn’t “bigguy” either.  I was an IT guy once, and even though drugs and alcohol claimed a lot of brain cells in the 80’s, I remembered a little something about username and password security.  So any way to the 6 or 7 legitimate readers I have and those that have registered.  I hope you remember you password.  Because you only get two chances at the login and after that, it will take a long time to get back in.  Sorry, but I had to employ some security methods to slow down the hacker attacks. Oh and if I inadvertently deleted your account…sorry, but the volume was too much and if I didn’t recognize your name or felt the e-mail wasn’t legitimate I deleted the account.

Okay, on to the real topic of the blog post.  So to bring everyone up to speed I am down as of this morning 94 pounds.  Obviously taken on its own 94lbs is a big number.  For some WLS patients that is a final goal number.  For me I haven’t reached my halfway point yet, which honestly I find to be just  little embarrassing to tell people.  For the most part I have been open and honest with people and if pressed I am not shy about telling some one what I weigh and what I have lost.  I leave it up to them to do the rest of the math.  Many people do ask how much more weight I plan to lose, or what my final goal is, and typically my canned response is that I would like to weigh 200lbs by my 50th birthday 15 months from now.  And from that they can guess or calculate the rest.

So with being 94lbs lighter why doesn’t it feel like I look that much different?  I have been taking front and side pictures every 4 weeks and I do see the change from my surgery date to today..but after dropping nearly 100lbs. you would think I would see a bigger difference.  In some respects it feels like my blog post title, (which incidentally comes courtesy of a friend) I have lost a lot of weight and it seems that not all that many people notice.  Now I have plenty of NSV’s to make me feel good and I don’t need to have my ego stroked (all that often at least) and have someone at every turn tell me about how great I look.  It is more a me and the mirror issue that I have than anything else.  I look in the mirror and I don’t see the changes I think I should see..fuck it let’s call it like it is…I just don’t feel “pretty.”

Part of it is that there is a denial of exactly how large I was when I started this process.  It feels like whatever mirrors I was looking in before were like funhouse mirrors that were all set to the skinny mode, and now when I look at pictures of myself or in the mirror in a truer light I am struggling to see my progress.  I know this will change over time and I guess it is hard to see the incremental change vs. larger chunks when I don’t see someone for a longer period of time.  I guess I am still looking at the tree and not yet seeing the forest or should that be vice versa? Any way I am 94lbs lighter and smaller, regardless of my perception the scale doesn’t lie.

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